Why is it that when you make
great friends one of them always has to leave. I never wanted to leave one of my friends, cuz I knew it would have been
hard. Do I want to stay if things go well between us over the summer, will they be leaving? Where will they
go? Will they want me to stay? Will they even want me around or will seeing me make it really hard on them?
Do they know what they want in life yet?
They dont regret
anything and it is obvious, are they still afraid to show their true feelings? I know they wern't good for me, they
broke me down, I became a part of them, I did whatever they wanted me to do, cuz I thought it would make them happy.
But obviously it just made me weaker, cuz when it came time to leave each other I wasn't ready. Did I ever see it comming?
Yea I think I did, when I was going to go away, they told me that she didn't want me to go. But when they found out
that i wansn't going to go they were extremly excited about the news. So then what happened between us to get me to
decide to go away? What about this place told me to some out here? Have I met someone out here that I was supposed to
meet? Who is that person or is it more then one?
Sometimes it seems like there
are none, like I'm not supposed to be here (wanted). Why do people change when they are around different people?
What makes them change? Are they just young? Do they not know who they are? Or are they just trying to fit
in?
Tuesday, March 2,2004
Why is it that those who are
in a relationship around you arn't happy? People fight and they shouldn't be together, Can't they see that. Can I
make them happy, feel loved, and take care of them? I guess love is blind. But I think in this cae it's deaf and
dumb too! I know you can't force someone to love you or even like you but what are you supposed to do when your the
one who likes that person, like no other?
I feel sometimes that I'm missing
someone in my life, I don't need someone but having a friend in my life would be nice. Do you ever break up with someone
and then think back at all the good times and realize that the two of you had it really good? You ever think, what would
happen if we got back together? Wouldit be the same, different, better? What if you want to get back together
and the other person only wants to be friends?
No matter what someone always
gets hurt, even in a friendship. No one intentionally hurts another, things happen, love grows strong as the other person
moves away. Everyone asks if some people will get back together (I wouldn't mind) but you know the other person
only wants to be friends.
However what happens when you
get mixed signals. At times they call and say that they miss you or just call to talk. They call with thier problems
and ask for advice. Do they call because they know that I'm a good listner, I pay attention and never offer advice unless
they ask for it. Does that make me a good friend? Great friend? Best friend? They know stuff about me that nobody
else knows. Why do you choose to tell someone your deepest thoughts, secrets, desires?
I knew as soon as I met them I would
be able to trust them with anything. Its helps when they feel the same way. We are two differnt people, yet we
are the same in a way. Being around them makes me feel better about myself, makes me happy, hopeful. Hopeful for
what though?
Is there something in my subconscience
that is telling me what to do, say or write? Perhaps that is why I dream of this person. Good dreams, never sexual.
Is that how I know that I love this person? Will I ever beable to have a relationship like that again? When will
that come along? Will it ever? Why can't I find someone who wants to get to know me, find out who I am?
The way i treat my friends and the
way I treat the one I'm with is totally different. If you don't believe me then just ask someone who I've dated already.
I don't want a relationship for sexual reasons, I can deal with out it. I just want someone I can share my time, love
and secrets with. I love having someone like that around. Always together, couldn't live without talking to each
other. Always had to talk to that person at least once a day, never wanting to hang up the phone, thinking that you
will miss something that happens to the person.
Twice now two people have broke
my heart cuz I had a relationship with them like I wanted and they didn't. 3 times almost but for somereason I kept
myself from getting close. Perhaps it was because it was cuz I knew that they were just freshly getting out of a relationship,
that they shouldn't have been in, in the first place. Why do you tell someone that you want to be with them and then
a week later say that your getting back together with thier ex and expect for the relationship with your friend, who you like
and they like you, to be the same as it was before? How can someone put pressure on a friendship like that? Are
they trying to test the friendship to see how much it can stand? Why would someone do that? What if a friendship
couldn't stand that pressure? Would you want to break up that friendship over retarded drama?
There are no real answers or solutions
to any of my problems at least none that I have found. Perhaps someone who reads this can find a solution or at least
offer some an idea of where I can start. Maybe there are no real answers at all. Maybe it's just something that
I'll have to live with.
Thursday,
March 4,2004
